#75 From Stuck to Strong: Real-life CBT hacks with Expert J Cangialosi
Get real help for anxiety, depression, and overload from J Cangialosi at Relief Mental Health. J breaks down why CBT gives you the power to shift your mood and tackle tough thoughts. Find practical steps linked to five key parts of life—health, work, home, friends, spirit. Even small wins matter. These tips work if you’re grieving, hurting, or just can’t find your footing. Walk away with simple tools that ease anxiety now and keep you moving forward.
Show Notes
From Stuck to Strong: CBT Tools and Real-Life Tips for Lasting Change with J Cangialosi
Managing anxiety, depression, and feeling stuck can seem overwhelming. On The Lori Clarke Show episode "#75 From Stuck to Strong: Real-Life CBT Hacks for Real Change," therapist J Cangialosi, LCPC, from Relief Mental Health, shares an honest, hopeful look at what actually helps people create real change. Whether you’re struggling with difficult emotions or just trying to find your next step, this post breaks down practical mental health strategies and the truth about overcoming overwhelm.
Relief Mental Health: A Comprehensive Approach to Anxiety and Depression
Relief Mental Health stands out as a mental health center by offering a menu of treatment options that tackle anxiety, depression, OCD, and more. It’s not a one-size-fits-all clinic. Instead, they focus on blending several methods so people can get the help that fits them best.
Here’s what clients might access at Relief Mental Health:
Medication management: Prescription support and ongoing check-ins.
Talk therapy: Traditional sessions to help unpack thoughts and emotions.
Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS): A non-invasive treatment for depression and other issues.
Some people use just one of these tools; others combine them. The main idea? No one is stuck with a single option or a “take this pill and see you next week” approach.
Within this menu of support, therapists like J Cangialosi have an important role. J focuses primarily on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), a talk therapy that’s straightforward and action-oriented. By helping clients change their thoughts and behaviors, CBT offers a foundation for lasting improvement, not just symptom relief. The therapist becomes a guide, not a drill sergeant—helping people find their own steps forward, at a pace that matches what they need.
Understanding the Origins of Anxiety and Depression
Why do some people get anxious or depressed after a breakup, a job loss, or a painful childhood, while others bounce back? J offers a simple, yet powerful answer: our mental health is shaped by a mix of genes (nature) and life experiences (nurture).
Think of the brain as a bowl of noodles—each “noodle” is a pathway. These pathways form based on what we inherit and what happens to us. Trauma, loss, and stress can actually “rewire” the brain. For example, after a car accident, you might find yourself white-knuckling the steering wheel every time you drive. The brain created this new pathway to keep you safe, even if it now causes distress.
But what if there hasn’t been a clear trauma? Even lacking control in life—feeling like you can’t change your circumstances—can build its own mental habits and worries.
Here’s where neuroplasticity comes in. The brain can change and heal, especially with support. You’re not locked into anxiety or sadness forever. With effort, new ways of thinking can be learned and new pathways created. It’s like giving those “noodles” a new direction.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): The Heart of Real Change
For J Cangialosi, CBT is more than just a buzzword—it’s the core of what really works to shift anxiety and depression. CBT focuses on helping people change negative thoughts and unhelpful behaviors, one practical step at a time.
Why CBT Works
CBT isn’t about magic or surface-level feel-good mantras. At its core, it teaches you to understand the thoughts and stories running in your mind, notice unhelpful patterns, and experiment with new ones. It’s usable for real life—not just theory.
The Pool Metaphor: Change Without Pushing
J’s favorite analogy is stepping into a pool. Therapy, and growth in general, isn’t about being shoved into the deep end. It starts with dipping a toe in, then a foot, then going step by step. Change is uncomfortable at first—cold water nearly always is. But with every stage, anxiety lessens and confidence grows. Most people who once swore they’d never get in find themselves enjoying the swim with a bit of time.
This is how CBT builds real confidence. Each small, uncomfortable step you take is evidence to your brain that you can do new things—even things that felt impossible yesterday.
Tackling Cycling Narratives and “Impossible” Thoughts
Many of us get caught in mental loops: “I’ll never get better,” “This always happens to me,” “Why bother trying?” These thought cycles feel huge, like being trapped in a current. CBT helps you notice these loops, question them, and find new ways of responding. It all comes back to a simple shift from “I can’t” to “I can try just one thing now.”
Practical Strategies for Managing Anxiety, Depression, and Overwhelm
When you’re overwhelmed, the last thing you need is a list of complicated tasks. J’s practical advice is all about starting small—really small.
“What Can I Do Now?” Breaking Down Overwhelm
Overwhelm flares up when you try to solve everything at once. Anxiety and depression love to feed off big, unsolvable worries. J encourages pausing, taking a breath, and focusing on just one thing you can do right now.
Here are ways to break the overwhelm cycle:
Pause and breathe. A deep breath isn’t cheesy—it gives your brain a moment to reset.
Break it down. Instead of fixing your whole life, start with a small action: call a doctor, take a shower, send one text.
Remind yourself: anxiety is managed, not cured. The work is ongoing, and that’s okay.
Working With Chronic Pain, Trauma, and Emotional Load
Chronic pain and trauma feed into overwhelm because relief feels impossible. J suggests identifying what is possible right now. Maybe it’s soaking in a warm bath, calling a provider, or doing a stretch. The key: don’t demand the pain or emotions go away instantly. Use small acts to regain a sense of control.
Anxiety Management: A Lifelong Practice
J is open about having lived with anxiety. The lesson? Anxiety doesn’t disappear forever; it’s managed over time. The same goes for depression and other heavy emotions. Some days are easier than others, but daily, ongoing practice makes a difference. Shifting focus to “management” instead of “cure” lets you drop the impossible burden of perfection.
Tip to remember:
Anxiety is managed, not cured. Small steps, taken often, work better than waiting for a miracle fix.
Differentiating Sadness, Grief, and Depression
It’s easy to confuse deep sadness or grief with clinical depression. J makes an important point: just because you’re sad, crying, or off your normal game after a loss doesn’t mean you’re broken.
Emotions Send Messages
Anxiety signals possible danger or anticipation.
Sadness comes as a natural reaction to disappointment or loss.
Grief follows loss, sometimes lasting much longer than we’d like.
Rock-bottom moments—like the end of a marriage or the death of a loved one—bring on emotions that are normal for the situation.
Grief, Loss, and Long-Lasting Depression
Grief and depression overlap but aren’t the same. Grief may come in waves and is expected after loss. Depression, by contrast, can linger and may not always have a clear cause.
J’s advice for anyone who feels weighed down by emotions is to first normalize the feeling:
“You are exactly where you should be. If you stub your toe, you say ‘Ouch!’ No one judges you for reacting to pain, so don’t judge yourself for emotional pain.”
When to Seek Support
If sadness or grief blocks your ability to work, enjoy relationships, or care for yourself, therapy can help. The goal isn’t to erase pain but to regain balance and confidence step by step.
The Five Key Areas of Life Impacting Mental Health
One of J’s most practical tools is the “Five Areas of Life” framework. These five fields often hold the answer to why turmoil lingers in your life—even if you can’t see it on the surface.
The Five Areas:
Physical Life: Body health, illness, chronic pain.
Professional Life: Job fulfillment, financial stability, sense of meaning.
Home Life: Do you feel safe, comfortable, relaxed at home? How’s your relationship with those you live with?
Social Life: Friendships, hobbies, opportunities to connect outside of home and work.
Spiritual Life: Sense of belief, purpose, connection to values or convictions.
If even one of these feels “off” for you, it may be fueling anxiety or distress.
How to Use the Five Areas for Self-Assessment
J suggests a simple exercise—no fancy workbook needed.
Grab a piece of paper and draw five columns or boxes. Label each one for the five areas.
Spend a few quiet minutes reflecting. For each area, jot down:
What’s working here?
What feels like a problem or source of stress?
Where would I like to feel better?
Notice any patterns or surprises.
This is purely for awareness, not self-criticism. Knowing where pain points are gives clarity and direction for change.
Moving Forward: Taking Action in Small, Manageable Steps
Awareness without action leads to frustration. The challenge, especially for those feeling anxious or low, is to avoid trying to “fix it all” overnight.
Here’s the stepwise process to moving from awareness to real change:
Pick one area from your self-assessment that feels most pressing.
Write down one thing you could do, today, to make that area a little bit better.
Physical: Book a doctor’s appointment or go for a walk.
Social: Message a friend or look up a new group to join.
Home: Organize a shelf or set up a cozy spot for yourself.
Professional: Update your resume or ask for feedback at work.
Spiritual: Spend a few minutes in reflection, nature, or reading something that feeds your spirit.
Celebrate the effort, not just the outcome. Even writing down ideas counts as action.
Every small win matters. With each step, you’re showing your brain that you actually have more control than it wants you to believe.
“Dip your toe in and watch what happens. These tiny acts can pull you from stuck to strong, one day at a time.”
Setbacks and slow progress are normal. The point is steady movement, not perfection. With each action, your confidence grows, making the next step easier.
Empowerment Through Self-Compassion and Small Steps
Getting unstuck doesn’t demand radical, overnight change. The journey is built on self-acceptance, little victories, and being kind with yourself when things feel hard.
If you’re crying after a loss, anxious about a test, or struggling to see the point of small things—know this: you are not broken. You’re responding to life’s very real challenges. Therapy, support, and practical steps can help you build a “net” of confidence and self-trust under whatever storms rise next.
If you’re ready to try, start with the five areas exercise. Pick a step, however small, and see what happens. Prove to your brain you’re more in control than it tells you. Even on the hardest days, self-compassion and small, steady actions will carry you forward.
For more support, new tools, and ongoing conversations about mental health, follow The Lori Clarke Show on Instagram, watch full episodes on YouTube, or learn more about therapy options at Relief Mental Health’s website.
Remember: the journey from stuck to strong starts with one step. Dip your toe. See where it leads.
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