#98 Part 4: Shame, Silence, and Survival

Have you ever realized you’re living by a vow you don’t remember making?

In Episode 98 of Shame Out Loud, Lori Clarke, co-host Tammy Vallicenti, and roundtable guest Karina Gosch welcome Lara Barbir into the circle—opening a powerful conversation about what happens after the split, after the silence, after the moment you start surviving instead of living.

Together, they explore the “inner forest” as a living ecosystem: places that are bright and open, places that are dense and untouched, and the protective patterns that once kept us going. They talk about shame as something that collapses us inward, self-betrayal as something we can gently unlearn, and the slow work of coming home, again and again. Without forcing the timeline.

You’ll also hear about the vows we make in the dark, I won’t feel this, I won’t need anyone, I’ll stay small to stay safe, and what it looks like to rewrite them into something truer: self-trust, agency, dignity, and a new way of belonging.

If you’ve been carrying a story that was never yours to hold, consider this your reminder: the forest may be where you adapted… but it can also be where you return.

(Gentle note: This episode includes discussion of trauma, Sexual Assalt, shame, emotional neglect, and difficult family dynamics. Please listen with care and support as needed.)

Show Notes

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