#79 Your Body Remembers - Here’s How to Heal It
If you’ve ever felt disconnected, “not enough,” or weighed down by old stories, this conversation will give you hope. Lori Clarke sits down with psychotherapist, EMDR specialist, and speaker Tammy Valicenti to explore how trauma lives in the body—and how healing begins when we listen to it. Together, they reveal simple yet powerful ways to tune into your emotions, reclaim agency, and reconnect with the self you had before the world told you who to be.
Through real stories and practical tools, Tammy shares how Internal Family Systems (IFS) and EMDR help people move past old wounds, break unhealthy patterns, and find safety within themselves. You’ll discover how to stop minimizing your experiences, see pain as an invitation to heal, and finally give yourself the compassion you deserve.
Show Notes
Healing Trauma Through Body Awareness and Self-Compassion: Insights from Tammy Valisanti
Healing from trauma isn’t just about talking through old wounds or “moving on.” According to licensed psychotherapist and EMDR specialist Tammy Valisanti, true healing comes when we reconnect with our bodies, listen to our emotions, and gently reclaim the parts of ourselves we were forced to hide. This post unpacks key lessons from a powerful conversation on The Lori Clark Show about trauma, Internal Family Systems (IFS), EMDR, body awareness, and finding wholeness even when life feels broken.
A Safe Place to Begin: The Importance of Support
Warning: This content discusses trauma, abuse, and related topics. If you’re in crisis, please seek support from a trusted professional or emergency services.
These conversations aim to inform and empower—not replace the care of a trained therapist. The experiences below are drawn from personal stories and professional perspectives, but every healing path is unique.
Meet Tammy Valisanti: Therapist, EMDR Specialist, Speaker
Tammy Valisanti brings years of expertise as a licensed psychotherapist, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) specialist, and founder of Transform Solution. She offers a space for people to reconnect with themselves after trauma, using a blend of somatic work and IFS. Tammy’s approach focuses on healing through curiosity, compassion, and a deep connection to the body. Her TED talk (available on tammyvalisanti.com) is a recommended starting point for anyone curious about her work.
The Body as a Time Capsule: Emotions Guide Us Home
One of Tammy’s central ideas is this: your body acts like a time capsule. Every emotion, ache, and sensation carries the imprint of past experiences. Rather than ignoring pain or discomfort, she encourages approaching these signals with curiosity and kindness.
Our body holds the records of our past, and what we feel—physically or emotionally—becomes a roadmap for healing.
By tuning in to these signals, we begin to understand what needs attention. Our bodies aren’t the problem, they are messengers pointing us to what needs care.
Re-Discovering Self: Unpacking Old Stories and Shame
Remembering Who You Are—Before the World Told You
Many people lose their sense of self as they adapt to family demands, societal norms, and the wounds of growing up. We get boxed in, sometimes literally and more often through “rules” and shame that tell us who we aren’t or shouldn’t be. Over time, we might not recognize ourselves at all.
Tammy and Lori both spoke about the deep, unsettling tension that comes from living out of alignment with your authentic self. It’s like needing a chiropractic adjustment for your soul. That tension signals it’s time to turn inward, get curious, and start reclaiming the real you.
Walking Through Shame and the "Not Enough" Stories
Shame is a powerful force that keeps people stuck. It tells us we’re “not enough,” “broken,” or “worthless.” Facing shame head-on can feel terrifying, but as Lori shared, looking at these old stories with compassion is what eventually sets us free.
When you pause and ask, “What does this feeling want me to know?” you start to break the grip shame has over you. Real healing comes not from running away from shame or pretending it doesn’t exist, but from seeing it and moving forward anyway.
Internal Family Systems (IFS): Understanding the Self and Its Parts
Internal Family Systems (IFS) gives us a helpful way to look at the different “voices” or parts inside us. According to Tammy:
Self (with a capital S): The true, whole, undamaged core of who you are. This self is pure, connected, and wise.
Parts: Inner voices that carry pain, shame, fear, or old stories. Sometimes these parts get “frozen” in place by traumatic experiences.
By getting to know each part and honoring its story, you create room for the Self to guide the healing process.
Parts vs. Self in IFS:
Parts Self Hold trauma, shame Pure and wise Reactive, stuck Nonjudgmental, compassionate Often protect or hide Wants connection and healing
Tammy explains that healing happens when the Self connects with these hurting parts, listens with compassion, and helps them step out of painful roles.
Listening to the Body: Emotions Speak to Us
Emotions Are Messengers, Not Enemies
We often treat “negative” emotions as problems to get rid of, but emotions are really guides. Tammy teaches that every feeling has a message. When we pause and ask, “What do you need me to know?” we start a healing conversation.
Common Emotions and Their Messages:
Anger: It’s time to set a boundary or protect something important.
Sadness: You’ve lost something or someone, or something’s missing.
Shame: You feel disconnected or silenced—there’s a part of you longing to be seen.
Anxiety: Something feels unsafe, or an old fear is trying to protect you.
Grief: You’re acknowledging a real loss, and your body wants to honor that.
By looking at emotions this way, we shift from fighting ourselves to learning from ourselves.
The Trap of Normalizing and Minimizing Pain
Society tells us to “toughen up” or “let it go.” Many people minimize their own trauma:
“It wasn’t that bad.”
“Others had it worse.”
“That’s just normal where I come from.”
This thinking can block healing. Just because something was common doesn’t make it healthy. If you grew up in chaos and never felt safe, “missing joy” might feel normal—but it’s not the natural state of being.
How Trauma Stays in the Body: The Nervous System’s Role
When trauma overwhelms us, the body often responds by going into panic, anxiety, or shutting down. Most people live with a constantly “on” nervous system. This can show up as chronic stress, sleeplessness, or tension.
Real healing begins with noticing where these feelings live in the body. Try asking yourself:
“Where do I feel this in my body right now? What does it want to show me?”
This simple self-check can be a first step toward transformation.
Healing Techniques That Work: EMDR, Somatic Therapy, and More
EMDR: Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing
EMDR uses bilateral stimulation (often through eye movements) to help the brain process painful memories in a new way. It doesn’t require you to describe the trauma in detail. Even recalling an image or sensation can be enough.
Many people feel skeptical: Can something as simple as moving your eyes really help with trauma that’s lasted for decades?
The answer, as many have found, is yes. Sometimes, the body just needs the right tool to let go. There are protocols that don’t require sharing details with the therapist, making this healing method accessible even when words are hard.
Somatic Work: Trusting the Body as a Guide
Somatic therapy means tuning in to physical sensations—your gut, your chest, your breath. The body carries wisdom that the mind can’t always access.
Tammy teaches that healing happens in safe relationships, with a guide who helps you listen to your body on purpose—but you can start by closing your eyes, feeling into discomfort, and asking what the sensation wants to express. The key is to honor what comes up and let the body lead.
Combining Internal Family Systems and Somatic Approaches
IFS and somatic therapies both focus on meeting yourself with curiosity and empathy. In this approach, you learn to:
Notice a feeling in your body.
Name the part or emotion (“I feel anxiety in my stomach”).
Ask what that part needs or wants you to know.
Let self-energy (your calm, inner “parent”) take the lead.
The goal isn’t just symptom relief, but a deeper connection with yourself and a reclaimed sense of safety.
Stories That Show Healing is Possible
Tammy’s Breakthrough: Feeling Safe in Her Body
Tammy shared that she never felt truly safe in her body until very recently. During a somatic session, she described a physical sensation—something leaving her solar plexus—and for the first time, she felt secure inside. This shift affected her at home and in her relationship, bringing a new sense of trust and ease.
Real-Life Case: From Frozen in Trauma to Empowered in Business
In her TED talk and work with clients, Tammy describes a woman whose early assault left her “frozen.” The same feeling showed up later as blocks in her business. By working with body-based healing and addressing the frozen part, the client unlocked new possibility and agency in her life. Her nervous system learned a new story: she could act and succeed.
Lori’s Journey: From Silence and Shame to Finding Her Voice
Lori spoke openly about how childhood shame taught her to believe she didn’t matter and silenced her authentic voice. Through therapy, self-inquiry, and safe relationships, she learned to rewrite her story. Now, through her podcast, she stands for authenticity and encourages others to speak and be seen, flaws and all.
First Steps for Your Own Healing
Start Small With Body Awareness
Find a quiet place and sit for a minute or two.
Notice what you feel right now—tightness, heat, fluttering, calm.
Gently ask, “What story does this part have? What do you need?”
Try this regularly to build connection and understanding.
For guided exercises, consider the book No Bad Parts by Dick Schwartz.
Bring More Play and Joy Into Your Life
Healing isn’t just serious work. Simple play and moments of joy refresh energy and restore a sense of possibility. Go for a walk, dance, paint, or play a game—whatever makes you feel alive.
Talk to Your Emotions With Kindness
It’s okay to say, “Hey Anxiety, I see you. Please give me a little space.” Don’t try to banish fear, sadness, or anger—honor them as parts of you with something to say. Journaling or quietly speaking your truth can help bring clarity.
Find the Right Kind of Help
The healing journeys shared here all involve support—from therapists, guides, or healing communities. A safe, skilled professional trained in EMDR, somatic therapy, or IFS can make all the difference. Trusted relationships are the foundation for growth.
You Are Not Broken—Your Life Is Fixable
Tammy and Lori believe deeply that no one is beyond healing. You are not broken. Who you are is enough. You matter.
“A medicine woman’s prayer:
I will not rescue you, for you are not powerless.
I will not fix you, for you are not broken.
I will not heal you for I see you in your wholeness.
I will walk with you through the darkness as you remember the light.”
—Sheree Bliss Tilsley
We are each our own heroes in healing, claiming agency, and restoring our voice. “Righteous rage” can become a positive force to set boundaries and reclaim space.
Healing looks different for everyone. The process is messy, slow, and often nonlinear. The most important thing is to begin, and to continue with as much curiosity and compassion as you can.
Want to hear more real conversations like this? Subscribe to The Lori Clark Show for more insights, and don’t hesitate to share your stories—because healing, in the end, is something we do best together.
If you need help, remember: you don’t have to walk this path alone. The world needs your story, and there is support waiting for you.
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